Relationship Talk #1

WHY CAN"T I FIND A MAN

While I was watching Iyanla Fix My Love Life: on Own TV network which aired 11-3-12 there was some very interesting topics that I hear all the time at the salon. So I took it upon myself ladies to compose this relationship series that I want to share. Here's the first clip below after that I have listed 8 signs when you're not ready for a relationship to coincide with the video. Let me know if this is you ladies? Do you agree or disagree?

 Singleness:8 signs you're not ready for a relationship

One of the most asked questions I get is “When do I know I am ready for relationship?” There is no cookie cutter answer to this, but as always I will give my perspective based on what I have been through and past suggestions that have been successful. One thing I do know is when you can be happy alone and happy, then you are ready for a relationship or marriage. Here are my 8 signs you are not ready for love:

1. You struggle with insecurities. Insecurities only make our relationships worse and not better; as a matter of fact I bet some things that you and your partner seem to continually argue about will be based on them. You will always have those situations where arguments and problems blow up because of insecurities. If you are only seeking the relationship because of your insecurities because it makes you feel better about yourself it’s a great indicator it’s not time.

2. You have not healed from past pains or bitterness. When we refuse to heal and forgive we allow the person in our past to have control over us. Don’t be that person that’s holding on where you have so much emotions from the past that it affects who you are, your day, your mood, you physically (you can’t even smile around them), etc. All the while the other person is going on with their lives just as happy like nothing has happened and your feeling like your life will never be the same. Never let a person have that much control over who you are. When you forgive you release that pain and the control it has over you. Holding anger from a past relationship will only make you bitter and that’s never fabulous so why bother with it lol.

3. You have not taken responsibility for the part you played in the failure of your past relationships. We always hear people say “it was not my fault” or “he did this or she did that” the truth of the matter is that we are all participators in our pain- there are no victims. We have to always look ourselves in the mirror and ask the questions, what things I should’ve done differently, what signs did I choose to ignore, how can I improve my future relationship and make my life better? I think we rarely see this type of deep introspection, but we often can see the victim mentality. Good or bad your past relationships can make you a better person if you allow those experiences to inspire growth. If you fail to recognize your wrongs you’re destined to repeat them.

4. You don’t love yourself. Often people don’t understand what this truly means. Loving self doesn’t mean, “ I am doing me” or “It’s all about me”; that is simply an immature and selfish thought process. Loving self means you understand who you are, your self-worth, you take care of yourself and your blessings, you trust yourself, you acknowledge your strengths and you do things daily to improve who you are and the lives of others around you. When you love yourself, you treat people kind and you seek a mutual oneness with those connected to you. When we seek relationships without loving self, our self-worth is tied to the connection of another person. Our self-worth goes up and down depending on how the person with whom we’re connected feels about us. Your view of oneself becomes what they say about you and your happiness is based upon theirs with you. So, when your relationship partner puts you down you believe what they say. Develop a health self-love before seeking relationships.

5. You’re selfish and have a critical spirit. Selfish people can’t love unconditionally, period, so this is something we must be mindful of. True love is selfless not selfish. If you are selfish, you only love in the moment and once that moment is over, you are gone. When things are hard, difficult, or not your way, you bounce as well. A critical spirit is based in pride. When we are critical, we kill the spirit of other people. Work on these things before seeking a relationship.

6. You are fresh out of a relationship. This is a huge one! I see this far too often. Give yourself time to heal before rushing into a new relationship, because it makes you vulnerable to make decisions out of emotions. When we make emotional decisions, in most cases, it leaves us heart-broken. Rebound relationships may temporarily numb your pain, but will delay your healing if not done. Give yourself time to heal first. The longer the past relationship, the longer you need to take to heal.

7. You can’t be happy alone. True happiness can only come from inside of you it can’t be based on another person people are imperfect and will let you down. The ability to be happy alone is a prerequisite to being ready for a relationship or marriage.

8. You’re still dealing with your ex. Don’t pursue relationships with people if you are still dealing with or even thinking about your ex. It’s kind of sad that I even have to discuss this one, but of course we know people do this all the time. You clearly haven’t moved on if you can’t and won’t leave your ex alone.  They are a ex for a reason if not than why are they an ex. It’s not fair to all parties involved.  Make a decision about your ex before creating something new.

Sources: youtube.com

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